Bob Of The Dead
by Tall Holy Ogre
Summary: The story shall go on! uhhh i will try and get chapter 4 in this weekend if i still have my sanity after drivers ed...BUT STILL READ THE OTHER CHAPTERS AND REVIEW! THAT WOULD BE GREAT!
1. Bob Of The Dead Intro

Intro:

Disclamier: I do not own anything related to shaun of the dead. I do not even own my own mind……(wow) I do not own anything in this story that isnt already mine. I do how ever know what the inverse of 4 is! In other words its my imagination.

Bob of the Dead

This story is going to be a funny random version my version of Shaun of the Dead. It will take place wherever I want it to. Its about a weirdo named Bob who is in school one day when the dead come back to life for some random reason. Then it will tell how he got all his still living friends and junk and how he and they goes somewhere and stays alive. Its going to be funny and random and please don't read the story and eat at the same time it will be quite bloody and gorey (cant spell!)……………you don't want throw up all over your computer lol well that would be funny but no but yeah its gonna be a cool story and im going to update this later because I am so freakishly lazy I mean it would take me a month to organize all my junk. So yeah here all the main characters that are going to be in this story

Bob or the Narrator

Age: 17

Height : 6 foot 6

Personality: Really random and strange kid and tall kid who is really bad at ddr and has a strong faith of Christ and is going out with another character in the story named pretz.

C/SCPO in JROTC at the highschool

Amanda

Age: 16

Height: 5 foot 4

Personality: Bob's sister, Cajun, funny and sometimes comes up with these really strange ideas that actulley work for stuff. Smells like gumbo

Paul

Age: 17

Height: 6 f oot

Personality: best friend of Bob's. militaristic person with a desire to blow up stuff. Expert in guns and weapons. C/LTJG in JROTC at the highschool.

Pretz

Age: 16

Height: 5 foot 4

Personality: really really strange with a delight in tormenting others with ddr. Beats people with slim jims (hahahaha). Makes weird noises every time she goes near a friends house. In other words shes a terror from the deep (shes gonna beat me when she reads this lol) Going out with the character bob.

Emily

Age: 15

Height 5 foot 2

Perosonality: Funny....and has this random talent of beating the crap out of people. Nice person

Yeah there will be random people that pop up and I don't know them yet so yeah and I guess this really isn't helping but oh well. So yeah that's all for now.

OYE!


	2. Wierd Funked Up Stuff

Chapter 1: Weird Funky Stuff going on man!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. I own no movie or anything referred to if any at all in this story. IMAGINATION!

The story starts really fast but it will make sense later.

Ok uh also I didn't check for spelling and I really don't care so yeah. OYE

One day in JROTC (2nd period)

I was up in the front of the class going over general orders with the class because of their uniform inspection performance last week….

And I don't like quotes so I am not going to use them lol and yeah I will prolly use the anyways…

Okay, we are going to go over general orders because some of you missed your general order questions last week…. Okay Mr. Hanson what is your 5th general order I said?

Uhh, quit my post when only… he started to say but before he could finish a strange looking person came in through the back entrance to the room. He had blood on his shirt and he was walking all weird. He was a zombie. Now knowing my obsession for being prepared in this kind of situations (im not paranoid!) I know what to do and also I had to do something because I was the only senior officer in the class at the time. So I picked up a stool that was next to me and I ran over to the dead person and hit him with the top part of the steel stool over his head. He fell back a bit but started at me again so I hit him again and he flew through the glass door and landed outside on his head. I opened the broken door and I hit him again and again and again. It fell and when it hit the ground it farted for 10 seconds and it seemed like to me during that 10 seconds the world was still……(haha uhh yeah keep reading!!). Blood was coming from his brains. I couldn't tell where his head was…

Then after I looked up and I saw chaos. People were dying. And as usual the emo kids were being emo because the dead people had bitten them and they were saying "I WANT TO DIE I WANT MY LIFE TO END" and that wasn't surprising to me. Zombies were walking around biting people. The people that were bitten were coming back to life as zombies. So I went back inside and I knocked on the senior chief's/captain's door, It was closed because they were discussing something so they didn't hear the glass breaking. The rest of the cadets were massed around the door looking at the dead guy…some kid farted…. ANYWAYS! I knocked on senior's door and he opened it and before I could say something he and captain saw the dead guy outside and they saw the other zombies.

"Ok I want everybody to stay inside we will lock the ……" but ONCE AGAIN before he could finish another kid was being bitten….

When this happened I went to the storage room and got one of those NJROTC Swords and I unsheathed it and I stabbed the zombie attacking the kid. The other cadets were backed away and didn't know what to do it. I stabbed the zombie over and over in the chest and it didn't go down. The kid was still being bitten and blood was pumping out of his neck. Then remembering previous zombie movies I have seen I stabbed the zombie through the eye and it fell immediately. Then…oh man it NEVER ENDS! The front door to the room and zombies came pouring in. This time they were power walking (hahah power walking) the cadets panicked and the senior chief and captain tried to keep them away from the zombies and they went to the supply room and senior chief got a m1 drill rifle and captain got a sword. I looked to my left and the kid with the bite in his neck was dead. I looked up and then looked back down on him and he was a zombie now. He started to get up and I stepped on him with my combat boots (lol today was camo day) and I stabbed the zombie cadet through the head. It fell down again. Meanwhile captain and senior chief were just chopping and smashing away at the zombies pouring in. The other cadets picked up the idea and they got rifles and swords and were doing the same thing. Meanwhile I looked outside and I saw a girl named Emily being attacked by a zombie. I went outside into to the courtyard and I pushed the zombie off her and I punched the zombie in the face and then I cut off his head in one sweeping motion.

"Thanks for that" said Emily

"De nada" (I have this fascination with espanol HOLA!) I said.

I looked back at captain and senior chief

"Get out of here, don't worry about us we can hold them, save as many people as you can!" said captain

I nodded and I told Emily we have to get out of here. We preceded to the right next the outside of the science building and as we were getting next to the steps for some random reason a good condition katana was just laying there…. no sheath.

"Hahah sweeet!" I picked up the katana

"Emily take this njrotc sword…if one of them gets close to you then stab them in the head or cut it off"

"Okay…but what is a good samurai sword just laying here?"

"I have no fruiting idea but hey it was laying here and we are taking it"

I place the katana in my right hand. We started running towards the front parking lot and I looked around. It looked like freaking revelations in the bible. People were being attacked. Blood was everywhere…. a piece of crap was laying on the ground…haha I have no idea how that came into the story BUT ANYWAYS! We kept on running then we ran into another zombie…and since this is a story I CAN DO WHAT I WANT! I jumped into the air and I cut off the zombie's head. It's just like those anime scenes. I stood there and blood squirted up from the zombie and the body fell. I picked up the head and I kicked it into the street and it got ran over by a truck. Emily laughed. Then up ahead we saw Paul Duffy beating the living crap out of 2 zombies with a crow bar. I yelled "DUFFY!" he saw us and finished off the zombie and he ran over to us.

"Dude are u alright," I said

"Yeah man.whos this" he said pointing at Emily

"Oh this is Emily she's one of my friends. Emily Duffy Duffy Emily"

They both nodded and said hello at each other

"So dude where are u going…. we are just trying to get out of here" I said

"I was going to go to my car and go to my house and get my .243"

"Where is your mom?"

"She's out of the country now"

"Ok. How about this we go to your house you get your .243 then we can go to my house and get the AR's and the shotguns and the armor pieces that my dad just bought and I can get into the safe…and don't worry my dad and step mom are out of the country as well"

"Ok that's good lets do that so lets get to my car its in the front parking lot"

So we started up again and we made it to the flagpole. There were 3 zombies there, just standing there like a couple of drugged up vegetables. I kicked one in the shin and I cut off the head. Emily for some odd reason slapped one then stabbed it through the eye…women…. ANYWAYS! After that we made it to Duffy's car but just as we got in the car, I saw Taryn (another random person) being trapped on the ground by a zombie and she was holding it back with her arms. I told Duffy one second and I went over to Taryn and the zombie and I kicked the zombie off and I stabbed it on the ground in the head. I looked at Taryn.

"HAHA Jeez Taryn I didn't know you liked dead guys"

"Shut it"

"Are you okay" I helped her up

"Yeah I am fine you didn't see anything…"

"Sure I didn't…so where are u going"

"I'm going to my house to to barricade myself there and to protect my parents"

"Good idea me, Emily and Duffy are going to my dad's house to gather munitions…. do u want to come?"

"Nah thanks anyway I got to protect my dad he is sick and in bed"

"Okay then see ya later"

"Bye"

I got back in Duffy's car and we went to his house. On the way there we ran over 9 dead people. One of them spilt in half. After that he went inside and got his rifle and then we went to my house. We went to the front door and I unlocked it and we got in. I closed the door and I locked it. All 9 locks….lol anyways we then went to my dad's room. I cracked open the safe and then what a glorious sight. 4 AR 15s 4 Benneli 12 gauge shot guns 4 Berattas….oh man. And not to mention a total of 9000 rounds of ammo and Kevlar camo suits. So we all suited up with guns and ammo and it looked pretty funny. Emily a short girl with Kevlar on and a shotgun.

"HAHAHA"

"What!" Emily said

"Emily the short terrorist girl" I said.

"hey come on" she said also laughing

"JUST KIDDING!" I said

Holy Fruit! Then I realized something……..I forgot about Pretz……oh crap. I ran to the phone and I called her number. It was on come on I said then on the 5th ring she picked up

"Pretz!" I said

"Bob! I am glad you're alive"

"Thanks are you ok?"

"Yeah I'm alone and no one has broken in. my parents and my brother is away so I'm alone. I saw the news on TV and I shut and locked up my room and im in the closet with a shotgun"

"When did you get a shotgun?"

"Remember it's my dad's"

"Oh yeah well uh I have 2 of my friends here and im coming to get you out of there. We have guns"

"Okay hurry there are a lot of dead guys outside of my house and they don't know im him and I don't know how longer that's going to stay like that"

"Okay well stay hidden and don't worry we are coming…I'll call you when I am close to your house we are leaving now"

"Okay hurry!"

"Oh yeah and uh please don't come down the stairs like the girl in the exorcist lol"

"I wont" she said laughing

Before I could say bye a zombie had come through the front door

The phone fell to the floor as I wielded my shotgun and I shot the zombie and his head went everywhere…All over the kitchen. I picked up the phone again to say bye but the line had gone dead…..

Pretz hung up the phone and was worrying…..

I had to hurry.

AND NOW FOR THE RANDOM COMMERCIAL!!! From Pretz's brother's computer here is the question of the day

Do ents get morning wood?

HAHAHAHAHA! I am so weird!!!!!

BACK TO THE STORY!

I hung up the phone. I told Duffy…

"Dude I have to go get Pretz"

Emily and Duffy said whose that?

"This really cool girl I have been going out with"

They said "ohhhhhhh"

HOLY SHIZ NOZ!!! I JUST RELIZED SOMETHING. My dad's truck keys are here and for some random reason he put a 50 cal machine gun in the back of it….I could use that to get to Pretz….and as I was thinking out loud I look at Duffy and Emily and they were confused…..

"Monologues guys Monologues"

"oooooohhhh ok!"

"Ok here is are what we are going to do. My dad's truck and keys are here and he has a 50 cal machine gun in the back of and Duffy I know just by the sight of your eyes dilating because I just said that that you want to use the gun so you can but ok we are going to drive over to Pretz's, rescue her"

"Ok sounds good" said Emily

"Just one question though…how many rounds does that 50 cal machine gun have in it?" Said Duffy

I looked at him with an evil smile "10'000 rounds"

He smiled very evilly

LETS GO! So we got in the truck and Duffy mounted up. I knew the way to Pretz's house and we started. It took us 20 min to get there….partially because I was speeding 90 mph. And on the way we ran over 15 dead guys…Duffy shot up 30 dead guys and Emily got 10. We were 2 min away from her house.

"Emily call Pretz on my cell phone"

I handed her my cell phone

She dialed the number

Pretz picked up on the first ring and Emily gave me the cell phone back

"Hey we are entering your neighborhood"

"Get your arses in here they found out I was in here and they are coming up the stairs now I don't know how long before the door comes….." the line went dead..

Holy fruit

We pulled up to the house and I opened the door so quickly and I tripped over the door. We went to the front door. "Okay we charge in on 3 I'll kick the door open" I said

3,2,1,

I kicked the door opened and right in front of it there was a dead guy. I shot him 2 times in the head. His upper body was gone. I ran up the stairs to Pretz's room. Duffy and Emily followed behind wasting the dead guys. I got to Pretz's room and I shot the two dead guys at her door that were trying to get in. I hit the door and I yelled…

"PRETZ! I'm here!

No response

"PRETZ!"

once again no response

"What the fruit is going on"

I was getting nervous and freaked out man!

(Lol and uhh pretz when you read this uhh yeah I'm just using imagination!)

I had to do something and I was!

I blew the door open and I ran into her room. I looked around and I didn't see anyone. I got this weird notion to look under her bed

Apart from the dead rabbit under bed that isn't what freaked me out it was Pretz hahah it was so cool. She was under her bed with a steak knife and a shotgun. Her eyes were dilated and she was ready to kill something and I yelled WHOA! When I saw her, and when that happened she saw me she went back to normal (haha she is going to kill me when she reads this) She was glad to see me. I helped her out from under there. Duffy and Emily were in the hallway guarding the door. I brought her up on her feet.

"Haha are you okay? You know you ONLY freaked me out" I said

"Haha yeah I am sorry about that" said Pretz

"I am just glad you're all right"

"I'm glad your alright too I didn't want to lose you"

I smiled and then I heard a horrific sound…….

AND THAT'S ALL FOR NOW!!! Haha I hope that didn't piss you off well uhh yeah I may type some more later today….


	3. Pretz's DDR pads

Disclaimer: Once again I own nothing related to anyone or anything in this story…..I still do not even own my own mind…..Imagination! Anybody referred to in this story is purely coincidental and it will not happen in real life.

I heard a horrible noise……Duffy let one rip. It lasted 20 seconds. It sounded like a dull watered down machine gun…….well actually that was not the horrible noise and I do not know why I put this in here……weirdness is gooooood……….OK! The horrible noise I heard was downstairs in Pretz's basement. It sounded like a person throwing up but with a sick satanic tone. I looked at Pretz….

"What do you have living down there?" I said

"I don't know maybe the old cheetos mutated or something" said Pretz

"Whatever it is we must go down there and beat it to a pulp" said Emily

"It still seems weird to me that a short girl like you knows how to fight very well, how did you learn?" I said

"Mortal Combat" said Emily

"Ohhhhhhh" we all went

So back to the weird freakish noise we heard……

I heard it again

"We should find out what that is," said Duffy

Then out of nowhere we smelled the smell of something burning/melting.

We are looked at each other for a second and then we ran downstairs. We reached the door to the basement. We heard it again only this time it was louder. I notioned to Duffy

"Okay Pretz uhh stay back please this is going to get ugly….or hideous whichever one you prefer" I said

Pretz laughed a little bit and stepped back

"You too Emily"

Emily stepped back

"I'll get the door, open in 3" said Duffy

I stood in front of the door and I aimed my shotgun right at the door.

"Okay" I said

3,2,1 The door opened and before me appeared yet another hideous sight. A zombie was throwing up green junk and rotating his head 360 degrees.

"Pretz is your house this possessed? I mean I know weird thing goes on here but I mean honestly Pretz! I said

"Haha yeah uhhhh I do not know how that got in here, like a lot of things really. Said Pretz

I looked back at the zombie and he was about to throw up on me.

"My dad just had these dry cleaned……no way man" I said

So then I shot the zombie in the head and it fell back on the flight of stairs and it tumbled down the stairs.

"Well then shall we continue?" I said

We continued to hear more of those weird freakish throwing up sounds.

"Let's kill some dead people! Well uh make them dead again well uhh wait ummmm YOU GET THE POINT!" said Emily

"Just make sure you do one thing though….." said Pretz

"What is that?" I said

"Save my DDR pads and my ps2" said Pretz

(haha sorry but this is random but I'm at anime club right now and there is this person flipping out and yeah its kind of funny and they are kind of being emo right now so yeah its even more funny oh wait she just used a scientific word FOCAL POINTS! Haha I am so weird but wait we are watching Trigun so all is right…..Or is it????)

ANYWAYS!

"Evil word!!! It strikes fear into my heart everytime you say that word Pretz" I said

"Hey its either that or karaoke revolution for you" said Pretz

"Uhh yeah then uhh DDR it is because I can so not sing but it's not my fault I'm so uncoordinated!"

Pretz smiled but she was the only person to get it….Duffy and Emily looked confused.

"Inside joke" I said

"ohhhhh ok" they said

So we continued down into the deep abyss of Pretz's basement. I was aiming to the left and Duffy aimed in front. We reached the bottom of the stairs. The basement was full of this puking satanic zombies, but all they were doing was standing there, rotating their heads and throwing up green junk. They weren't moving.

Duffy, Emily and I knew what this meant…….

Pretz still had the shogun and stood next to me and loaded it.

"Oh so now you want to shoot something you know you could've done something before…." I said

"Oh come on it was only a zombie…..Besides there are abunch of weird possessed ones down here that I can shoot"

"True true"

We all lined up. Duffy, Emily, and Me all pulled out or AR's and loaded them. Pretz got ready with her shotgun.

"On my signal" I said

I pointed at one that looked like a hippy. Haha perfect I said to myself.

I shouted OYE! They all looked up at me. I fired at the hippy one and I got it 2 times in the torso and 1 time in the head. Duffy, Emily, and Pretz all started firing. Dead people started falling left and right. Blood was flying, coagulated blood I mean! Brains were flying up on the walls. The zombies tried to attack us but they were too freaking slow! They all got shot down in aboot 2 to 3 minutes. I was having too much fun re-killing dead people that I just forgot aboot the time. It ended and when the gunpowder smoke rose we saw all the dead people one the ground. The theater room light was on and there was one dead guy in there.

"We must get my DDR pads," said Pretz

The dead guy bended over and picked up a DDR pad with and was about to throw up on it. I aimed carefully and shot just above the DDR pad and I hit the hand and it went into pieces. The zombie looked up at me and flicked me off with its only remaining finger on his hand……haha wow…..

"What! Oh it's on!" I said

I ran through the room jumping over dead people and Duffy, Emily, and Pretz followed. I reached the dead guy. I pulled out my shotgun and held it like a baseball bat. I hit the zombie several times until it fell.

"Pretz would you like to do the honor I mean it tried to puke on your DDR pad" I said

"Gladly" said Pretz

Pretz aimed her shotgun at the head of the zombie and fired. The head went everywhere except for the ps2 and the DDR pads.

"Haha you are so lucky Pretz so lucky" I said

"Dude that was awesome we killed like 50 zombies in this house" said Duffy

"Hmm I wonder how they got In here," I said looking at Pretz

"What its not my fault!" said Pretz

Maybe the basement door was open. I looked and it was.

"Pretz! Did you leave the door open down here" I said

"Maybe!" said Pretz

Pretz picked up the ps2 and the DDR pads and we all went back upstairs and I closed the basement door.

"WOOOO!" exclaimed Pretz

"Haha Pretz sometimes I wonder……" I said

And so ends another chapter in BOB OF THE DEAD! And Pretz if you don't leave a review I will hunt you down! Remember that I have your kangaroo hostage haha.

OYE!


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